God Hates Divorce – But Loves Me

I was at a wedding, sitting by myself, when the officient started to speak of the couple’s decision to commit to getting married even after seeing a society that is so consumer-driven in their relationships. He gave the couple statistics that showed how divorce rates were increasing, but he reassured the attendees that this couple would not be a part of that statistic; that this couple was following God, and their bond is greater than themselves.

As I listened to his message, I sat in that church pew completely frozen, not being able to move, and my breath suddenly became shallow. I felt tears welling up in my eyes, and used the only movement I could muster to seek to wipe the tears away to hide the anxiety attack that I was having.

I hoped for the best for this couple — that they wouldn’t face the same thing that I did. But as a man in ministry who was in the process of his own divorce, these were my thoughts that day:

“I am just a statistic. To other Christians who don’t know me, or my story, or how my own marriage crumbled, I am just a faceless statistic who is in the process of getting something that God hates! There are churches that won’t hire me as a minister because I am getting a divorce…this church probably wouldn’t hire me…”

Before everything happened, I would have liked the pastor’s message, and I would probably say something similar in my own officianting. In fact, before everything happened, I always assumed the worst in people who got a divorce; thinking that they both must have wanted one and gave up on their marriage without giving it a fighting chance. I admit to this horrible thinking.

But I was struck with the reality that sometimes you don’t have a choice in the matter, even after taking drastic steps to save a marriage like I did. Sometimes the decision is not something you have a say in because one person cannot force another person to do anything that they do not want to do.


But God Hates Divorce…THAT is true.

Even though I believe that God would allow for my own divorce to take place, based on the scriptures, Divorce is still hated by him.

But what I realised after going through my own divorce is that God still seemed to care for me; he still comforted me when I reflected on him crying in the Garden and identifying with the suffering of humanity. And he understood divorce intimately because his own people, including me, have divorced him many times over the existence of humanity by running away from him, and his desire is for us to follow him.

God Hates Divorce.


I hate divorce, and would counsel couples away from divorce with greater importance than I would have before, when divorce was simply a law that was broken.

My passion against divorce is fueled by my understanding that divorce is absolute hell to go through, and losing that trust in the person who you trusted most in the world, is a despair that could be described endlessly.

Divorce signifies a covenant that is broken; a covenant that is meant to reflect the covenant between God and us . Your partner is meant to show you the love of God at times when you don’t think it is deserved, and when that covenant is broken, our conception of love, trust, reliance, hope, and peace is shattered.

God hates divorce because, like me, he knows what it feels like and he doesn’t want us to go through all of that pain. He wants us to have that covenant with another person to remind us of his love for us.

Sometimes divorce is unavoidable, and sometimes it is needed, but that doesn’t mean that God hates those who have to get a divorce…He just hates the divorce.

Those who get a divorce, if they come to faith, or are able to retain or rebild their faith, are comforted most by God wrapping his arms around them, and slowly showing them that his love is still real, that it won’t leave them, and that he’s been through what they have been through.

I’ve learned a lot over the last 17 months…I learned a lot about God, my own faith, my strengths, my weaknesses, but most of all, I learned that God hates my divorce…BECAUSE he loves me.

The Father RUNS towards his children

Ending Comments — I wrote this post because I believe that God is calling me to care for those that are broken in the way of trauma, and/or divorce and marital problems.

I also wrote this post because I had not made it public that I went through marital problems yet and the divorce has now been finalized after 17 months of separation. Although making it public feels weird, it hurts me when I have to explain that I am divorced to those who care about me but who do not know about it yet and ask me how my ex-wife is.

I hope that some of the readers of this post are comforted.

Originally Posted Here: LINK

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On Josh Duggar – Again: Sacred Cow Celebrities, Grace, and Justice

It was not that long ago that I posted my response to Josh Duggar’s molestation of his little Sisters, and how people, especially Christians, responded to it.  To sum it up in one single quote, read the following:

“Saying “what he did was terrible, but he is a changed man” is not enough.  As Christians, we understand that the power and forgiveness of Jesus is powerful, but we also know that sin is crippling, addictive, and harmful to us, and those around us.”  (See that post Here)

Following that train of thought, it is with a heavy and perplexed heart that I write this blog post today. Yesterday, I read an article on Relevant Magazine‘s website about how Josh Duggar’s email address had been leaked by hackers who exposed all of the email addresses who signed up on the popular cheating-on-your-spouse website – Ashley Madison.   Josh was not delayed in his Apology for his actions, and to be fair, I will post that apology below:

“I have been the biggest hypocrite ever. While espousing faith and family values, I have secretly, over the last several years, been viewing pornography on the Internet. This became a secret addiction and I became unfaithful to my wife. I am so ashamed of the double life that I have been living and am grieved for the hurt, pain and disgrace my sin has caused my wife and family, and most of all Jesus and all those who profess faith in Him … I humbly ask for your forgiveness. Please pray for my precious wife Anna and our family during this time.” – Josh Duggar, as quoted on revelantmagazine.com.

In finding out what he had done, I was pretty frustrated at the sin, and if I am honest, I was pretty frustrated with Josh.  I saw the Revelant article in my facebook feed, so I decided to look through the comments that other people had left, and within the comments, many people said things similar to the following:

“He did something wrong, he apologized, lets move on…”

“Jesus forgives him, why can’t you guys…”

“Grace should be given to all…”

And people, I get the forgiveness and Grace of God – I really do.  If Josh really has repented to God, than by the marvelous Grace of Jesus, He is already forgiven.  BUT, and I say that with a heavy heart, he did do wrong, he did violate God’s design for Marriage, and he did it all while staying on a high horse.   So while I will stand with you when you say God’s Grace can cover him, I will depart from you when you do not have the courage to stand against pornography, adultery, and when you have a tendency to brush off the sin, in order to defend the example.

I will stand with you when you affirm the Grace and Love of Jesus…

I will stand with you when people speak hate against any person, including Josh Duggar…

I will depart from you when you make an idol out of Christian Celebrities (Sacred Cows), and when you are blinded to their wrongdoing…

I will depart from you when that same marvelous Grace you speak and preach about is limited to a certain demographic…

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Side Bar

That last point brings me to the following quote from a young woman named Megan who commented on the Relevant article on Facebook:

“I find it interesting that white evangelical Christians can muster up sympathy for Josh Duggar but not Michael Brown or Eric Garner. This thread is amazing. Rape culture and racism continally leave me in awe. Who we choose to extend grace to says so much about the culture.” – Megan

Do you HEAR her?  Do you hear her honest questions about how the loud voices of the evangelical Christian community can sympathize with Josh Duggar after hearing that he has apologized, when this same crowd, by and large, sided with the cops RIGHT AWAY in the cases of Michael Brown, Eric Garner, and others. 

Why do we jump so quickly to defend Josh Duggar, and the cops, while saying about Michael Brown and others.. “Well, they shouldn’t have run…”.  We show Grace to Josh without a second thought, and we show condemnation to Mike Brown, Eric Garner – and we assume that everyone raving about racism in america is out of their minds…

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Sacred Cows, Grace, and Justice

My Brothers and Sisters, we are called to follow Jesus each day, to preach Truth, to love others, and to reject false teachings and ways of living.

May I propose to you something controversial? 

When we, as Christians, elevate the status of a Christian celebrity in our minds, we have to be VERY careful.  We have to be careful because in some of these instances, we elevate the celebrity so much that we become blind to the wrong and hurtful things that they may say or do.  We essentially make idols out of them; making them our “Sacred Cows“.  If someone says one word against them – we are quick on the defense.

We do need to show Grace, but can we be consistent, and show Grace to all?

Finally, can we join together in the name of Justice in a fight against Christian Celebrity Idolatry, and adultery?

And as a Facebook user, Megan, observed, can we as a Church use our efforts of defense to defend those suffering racism and prejudice, corrupt police systems, etc.?

Church, I love you.   Lets take some time in thought and prayer, and let us ask God how we can make the world a better place.  Let us ponder how we can strengthen the bonds of our own marriages, and the marriages of those around us.  Let us ponder strategies to combat lust, pornography, adultery, racism, and rape culture.

This is a Call to Action.  Will you Join me in being a voice?

-Jon

Please tell me your thoughts and opinions!

Links:

Revelant Article

Relevant Facebook Page

Lamb Theology – On Josh Duggar (First Post)

Lamb Theology – Post on Racism

Lamb Theology – Post on Living the Love of Jesus